Lessons from the Sensual Selfie Challenge

Hello my lovelies!

It’s been a little while since I’ve written here but I really wanted to share with you some thoughts on my latest Instagram posts and my participation in the sensualselfiechallenge.

The sensual selfie challenge was set up by Ev’Yan Whitney as a way to encourage people to allow themselves to take up space and celebrate your body and sexuality. The hashtag is currently sitting at 9322 posts from men and women all over the world, all different shapes and sizes and all different colours and creeds.  It’s so fucking beautiful.

The reason I decided to participate, and also to feature my participation on my not_my_vaginusmus page, was to try and push myself a little further out of my comfort zone when it came to my body and also to publicly embrace my sensuality and sexuality. Yes, as shocking as it is, the fat girl with vaginismus thinks she’s sexy!

 I wanted to show how far I’d come on working on my body image and loving myself and my body despite this condition. Aside from feeling a little apprehensive about hitting "post" every single day, and watching the followers disappear after my "unflattering angle" selfie this challenge was amazing for me. I learned how much I loved my eyes, the curves of my bum and legs, my waist and my cheeky raised eyebrow! I wanted to encourage my followers to do the same, and not just those with vaginismus! Regardless of your background we could all do with a little more love for our sensual selves.

From my personal experience, and certainly from a few others I have spoken to, feeling sexy or sensual when you have vaginismus can seem like an impossible task. When you have grown up in a hyper-sexualized society in which all other sex acts are nothing but a pre-cursor to PIV sex you can often feel like you and your body are falling short of the mark. That you shouldn’t be sexy or act sexually because you’re giving you and your partner false hope. It often feels like it is better to shrink away from any sensuality you have than risk outing yourself as the worlds greatest cock tease.

Fortunately, we are living in a time where people are starting to wake up to the fact that women get horny too (I know, I know, it’s hard to believe). 

Moreover, we are getting to a stage where we are actively encouraged to enjoy our bodies and our own sensuality. As someone who grew up very much feeling that, at least in terms of sexuality, my body was more for other people’s pleasure than my own this is a very welcome development. Sexuality and the sexual acts we choose to participate in, are in such a wide and varied spectrum that is it honestly even still valid to say there is a right and wrong way to have sex anymore? I think not. Even from a biological stand point, it is no longer strictly necessary to engage in penetrative sex. So, where it might feel really damn good and it would be awesome to get to a point where I could (I fully intend to) it really isn’t the be all and end all.

Despite some resistance, we are slowly emerging into a time where all bodies are celebrated. Where all individuals are celebrated and that, my lovelies, includes how you feel about your body and what you want to do with it.  

Having vaginismus does not mean you can’t enjoy your own body or have fun with a partner in whatever way you want to! I know women with vaginismus who have really high sex drives, and I know women who have hardly any. I know women with vaginismus who are into BDSM and I know some who want to keep it strictly vanilla. What you do, with your sensuality is 100% your choice, but it should definitely be a thing to be celebrated.

Whither your final goal is penetrative sex with a partner, or you just want to be able to attend for a smear test, your body is yours to adore. Your body is yours to fall in love with a learn what you like and what you don’t. The fact that your body won’t allow one sexual act does not mean your entire sexuality is cancelled out.

So look at yourself today, and love everything you see and everything you are. You are the only version of yourself in this world and you are so, so worthy of all the love and all the pleasure you want. Know that you do not have to hide your sensual self because your body cannot perform the way society would have you think it should. You are dazzling!

So even if taking pictures of your sensual side isn’t exactly your thing (I’ll be honest I didn’t think it was at first but I’m a total convert now!), I’d like to encourage you to spend a little more time in front of the mirror. Be grateful for this vessel you have been given and, if maybe love is just one step too far for now, just work towards accepting what you see exactly as you are.