So dating, can be a really fun experience.
It can be a really great way to meet new people and work out what you would like in a prospective partner! However, when you have vaginismus dating can be a little bit more tricky.
So you meet someone, you talk for a while, you go on dates, you get butterflies, things get progressively flirtier and all the while in the back of your head you're thinking "uh oh...I'm going to have to have the talk soon."
Most girls dating with vaginismus will know "The Talk." The one where you have to try and work out a way to say "that thing you're wanting to do with me...yeah...it's not quite that simple for me...in fact at the moment it is damn near impossible."
The reason why this talk causes so much damned anxiety is because we are still telling ourselves the same old story. I am not good enough with this condition.
Well, I'm here to tell you lovelies that is a flat out lie, and we need a better and more accurate story.
This is simply a medical condition, and unfortunately due to societies high standards on what we should be able to do with our bodies it's no wonder we don't feel good enough when we fall short. However, as I said in an earlier post, a hole is not all we bring to a relationship. We bring love, we bring support, we bring our amazing sense of humour, we bring our cooking skills, we bring our tenderness, we bring our sexiness (yes, you absolutely CAN be sexy with vaginismus), we bring our completely individual set of characteristics that makes us so special.
This condition is just that, a condition. It does not define who we are and it does NOT define the type of partner we will be. We are not less than because of this, we are worthy of love and respect just like everyone else.
I know how hard putting all this self love into practice can be regarding vaginismus. I have a date coming up this week and I have spent every day in the run up battling thoughts of " I'm not good enough." But I absolutely am, and so are you! Is the threat of rejection still there? Yes. However if they end up being the kind of person who would walk away from all the amazing things you have to offer because he cant get PIV sex is that really the person you want to be with?
Dating with vaginismus, the talk is inevitable, but I invite you to say it at a time and in a way that feels powerful for you. You are a beautiful and amazing person, regardless of having this condition, and you are worthy of all the love in the world. I want you to remember that!!
Also, and maybe I've just been lucky, but I have never actually had a man turn me away after the talk before. So maybe we are just turning this into something a whole lot bigger than it needs to be?
Whatever the case and whoever you're having the talk with. Know how amazing and worthy of happiness and love you are. Settle for nothing less than that, and be so aware of all the amazing things you have to offer.
Go get 'em girl.
Jenny xox
The reason why this talk causes so much damned anxiety is because we are still telling ourselves the same old story. I am not good enough with this condition.
Well, I'm here to tell you lovelies that is a flat out lie, and we need a better and more accurate story.
This is simply a medical condition, and unfortunately due to societies high standards on what we should be able to do with our bodies it's no wonder we don't feel good enough when we fall short. However, as I said in an earlier post, a hole is not all we bring to a relationship. We bring love, we bring support, we bring our amazing sense of humour, we bring our cooking skills, we bring our tenderness, we bring our sexiness (yes, you absolutely CAN be sexy with vaginismus), we bring our completely individual set of characteristics that makes us so special.
This condition is just that, a condition. It does not define who we are and it does NOT define the type of partner we will be. We are not less than because of this, we are worthy of love and respect just like everyone else.
I know how hard putting all this self love into practice can be regarding vaginismus. I have a date coming up this week and I have spent every day in the run up battling thoughts of " I'm not good enough." But I absolutely am, and so are you! Is the threat of rejection still there? Yes. However if they end up being the kind of person who would walk away from all the amazing things you have to offer because he cant get PIV sex is that really the person you want to be with?
Dating with vaginismus, the talk is inevitable, but I invite you to say it at a time and in a way that feels powerful for you. You are a beautiful and amazing person, regardless of having this condition, and you are worthy of all the love in the world. I want you to remember that!!
Also, and maybe I've just been lucky, but I have never actually had a man turn me away after the talk before. So maybe we are just turning this into something a whole lot bigger than it needs to be?
Whatever the case and whoever you're having the talk with. Know how amazing and worthy of happiness and love you are. Settle for nothing less than that, and be so aware of all the amazing things you have to offer.
Go get 'em girl.
Jenny xox
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