Hello lovelies,
I'm back after a rather long time away because, I'll be honest, progress has been rather slow. I've been struggling to find the time to concentrate on myself and my body throughout the winter months but I thought I'd come back to you with some thoughts I've had on language.
I've been thinking a lot about how the language we use can have an effect on the way we see ourselves and how others see us. For me, the word "Virgin," is definitely one we should be moving away from.
The dictionary definition of virgin is as follows :
Virgin
noun
1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. a person who is naive, innocent, or inexperienced in a particular context.
3. a female insect that produces eggs without being fertilised.
Now, this was all very well back when the only acceptable form of sex was P.I.V and all other sexual activity was seen a precursor or perversion. However, in the more enlightened and open days of sexual exploration this word has no place. If we were to go by this definition alone, a large percentage of couples all over the world would still be classed as virgins, regardless of how many partners they had been with or how many other sexual activities they had taken part in.
From my own personal experience, the word itself seems to change the way people treat you. The moment the word virgin is mentioned or any mention of "taking your virginity," is brought into the equations partners suddenly feel this insane amount of pressure. I mean first of all, it's not something I'm giving away or something that can be taken...this whole seeing "virginity," as a commodity thing is so crazy outdated in it's own right. Secondly, I'm not expecting miracles, I'm not some precious and dainty thing to be handled with kid gloves and it certainly doesn't make me naive nor should it have any basis on my worth as a woman or a human!
If we strip vaginismus back to it's very core it's simply that the muscles in that area are more sensitive than most, we have to work a little harder at relaxing them, and it can make penetration very uncomfortable to downright excruciatingly painful.
If this was any other muscle in the body, it really wouldn't be seen as that big of a deal. However, it is the societal and personal pressure we put on ourselves and that others put on us to be able to perform that forms a monstrously big part of the stigma for those of us who have it. The more the world wakes up to sexuality as a spectrum, and therefore the intimate activities you can perform with that partner being on a spectrum also, the sooner we can get rid of this silly outdated language and start enjoying ourselves without this immense pressure to perform.
I am Jenny. I've never had penetrative sex but I am most definitely NOT a virgin.
Choose your words carefully. Refuse to be made a victim or prisoner by the labels you give yourself and those you let others give you. You are a million and one other amazing things besides who you choose to go to bed with or what you do while you are there.
Jenny xox
I'm back after a rather long time away because, I'll be honest, progress has been rather slow. I've been struggling to find the time to concentrate on myself and my body throughout the winter months but I thought I'd come back to you with some thoughts I've had on language.
I've been thinking a lot about how the language we use can have an effect on the way we see ourselves and how others see us. For me, the word "Virgin," is definitely one we should be moving away from.
The dictionary definition of virgin is as follows :
Virgin
noun
1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. a person who is naive, innocent, or inexperienced in a particular context.
3. a female insect that produces eggs without being fertilised.
Now, this was all very well back when the only acceptable form of sex was P.I.V and all other sexual activity was seen a precursor or perversion. However, in the more enlightened and open days of sexual exploration this word has no place. If we were to go by this definition alone, a large percentage of couples all over the world would still be classed as virgins, regardless of how many partners they had been with or how many other sexual activities they had taken part in.
From my own personal experience, the word itself seems to change the way people treat you. The moment the word virgin is mentioned or any mention of "taking your virginity," is brought into the equations partners suddenly feel this insane amount of pressure. I mean first of all, it's not something I'm giving away or something that can be taken...this whole seeing "virginity," as a commodity thing is so crazy outdated in it's own right. Secondly, I'm not expecting miracles, I'm not some precious and dainty thing to be handled with kid gloves and it certainly doesn't make me naive nor should it have any basis on my worth as a woman or a human!
If we strip vaginismus back to it's very core it's simply that the muscles in that area are more sensitive than most, we have to work a little harder at relaxing them, and it can make penetration very uncomfortable to downright excruciatingly painful.
If this was any other muscle in the body, it really wouldn't be seen as that big of a deal. However, it is the societal and personal pressure we put on ourselves and that others put on us to be able to perform that forms a monstrously big part of the stigma for those of us who have it. The more the world wakes up to sexuality as a spectrum, and therefore the intimate activities you can perform with that partner being on a spectrum also, the sooner we can get rid of this silly outdated language and start enjoying ourselves without this immense pressure to perform.
I am Jenny. I've never had penetrative sex but I am most definitely NOT a virgin.
Choose your words carefully. Refuse to be made a victim or prisoner by the labels you give yourself and those you let others give you. You are a million and one other amazing things besides who you choose to go to bed with or what you do while you are there.
Jenny xox
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